The Darkness Within

I’ve decided to check back in after a couple of months. Things have been bleak as of lately. It is almost as if my lenten journey has not ended yet. This isn’t a “poor me” story either, it is just a part of my journey right now….a part that really sucks to put it bluntly.

Sometimes when we are going through some of our darkest points we tend to think that nobody understands. You are left feeling alone even though your are not. There is an emptiness from within that just seems to have such a gaping hole that anything that does come in falls right through. You question your meaning, your purpose, whether you are falling from grace.

You hurt the people around you because they see the pain, the hurt that you’re in and they feel helpless because they can’t help you. You try to hide it but you can’t. You distance yourself from everyone and everything you love not to loathe in your sorrow but to try and figure out what it is that has brought you here. You question God yet, you do not turn to him in your time of need.

This is where I am. Confused, irritated, pissed, lonely, depressed, anxious and discouraged. I’ve been there before but not like this. This is different but, I trust that this is something that God needs me to go through and in the end, I’ll come out of it in one way or another. Maybe I’ll have the answer and maybe I wont but one thing is for sure, life will go on as it always has.

I wanted to share this video from Machine Head – The Darkness Within. Although I may not agree with every part of the lyrics, I feel that Rob Flynn hits on many of the things that I’m going through. He wrote this song during a dark period in his life. Maybe that’s why I like it so much. I’ve always had this love for Metal music no matter what anyone thinks about it and I still do. It is raw and pure. It can be loving and kind or brutal and blunt, but it is music that has always spoke to my heart.

I’ve shared the lyrics below the song. Pray for me as I pray for you all. Buen Camino!

 

Darkness Within
Here in the darkness that I lay
Depression heavy in its weigh
And how my body aches to leave
To sing its final eulogy
My sons I love you evermore
And though the road beckons once more
I see the damage that I’ve done
In search for redemption
But I am just a broken man
Whose souls cries out to understand
How the madness shatters me
Upon the stage on bended knee
I scream out loud at skies above
That answer mute bereft in love
I struggle not to fall from grace
Or sing the hymns of my disgrace
We build cathredrals to our pain
Establish monuments to attain
Freedom from all of the scars and the sins
Lest we drown in the darkness within
Mysterys forgotten chords
I strum in vain to please the lord
But he has never answered me
My faith has waned eternally
In empty men who pass along
The woes of all religions wrong
But now the shadowed veil it falls
Heed the clarion call
So pray to music build a shrine
Listen in these desperate times
Fill your heart with every note
Cherish it and cast afloat
Because god is in these clef and tone
Salvation is found alone
Haunted by its melody
Music it will set you free
Let it set you free
We build cathredrals to our pain
Establish monuments to attain
Freedom from all of the scars and the sins
Lest we drown in the darkness within
Music my saviour (save me)
We build cathredrals to our pain
Establish monuments to attain
Freedom from all of the scars and the sins
Lest we drown in the darkness within
Songwriters: David Wayne Mcclain / Philip John Demmel / Robert Conrad Flynn
Darkness Within lyrics © Fintage House Publishing